Let's just get this over with

So, if I am going to be honest and really recount my life experiences and thoughts, then I guess I am going to have to document yucky experiences as well as good ones. Just after Christmas my grandfather passed away. I suppose that he is the first person in my life who has passed on that I felt a deep connection to. I don't talk about this to most people very often because as soon as the thought creeps into my mind that he's gone, I push it out. I don't want to sound dramatic or morbid, however, I cannot leave this blog out and feel authentic at the same time. My mom's and my dad's families are both very special. They each have their different strengths. I have to be honest, though, and admit that there has always been something different that I have felt about my mom's family. For most of our childhood, we were the only grandchildren. My grandmother and Poppy were fairy-tale grandparents. It's so good for children to know that they are unconditionally adored. My family gave me that, each member serving their different roles. Poppy was our rock. He was never the center of attention, yet everyone wanted to be around him. When we were little he always gave us a "poppy dollar" as we called it, at the end of each visit. Once when we were visiting in Chattanooga Mom and Dad told us not to ask for a poppy dollar since the occasion for our meeting was another family member's illness. It was cold outside and our windows were fogged up. I believe that it was Ad'Lynn or Clark who started drawing dollar signs in the windows for Grandmother and Poppy to see! Hahaha! Poppy was hilarious! He was a hard worker. He was so big and strong, yet he was all mush on the inside. He loved my grandmother and his four girls. He loved us. He took care of everyone in a quiet way. I remember once, within the past year, I was visiting him with Ally and Emma. John had to work back home. I was leaving his house, which is in Winchester, late at night. Mom came up to me and slipped me a twenty dollar bill. I asked her what it was for. Poppy wanted to make sure that I had cash on me while I drove home. I told her, "Oh no, I have my card. I'm fine." It didn't matter, Poppy wanted me to have cash and he wouldn't take no for an answer. My favorite memories of him are: his laugh, the smell of his cologne, poppy dollars, going to church with him at Goshen, the smell of his car, receiving cards from him or grandmother especially while I was at college in Idaho, Emma kissing him, and so much more. Two weeks before he had passed away, my Aunt Hazel passed as well, both of them from Pneumonia. She also played such a significant role in our lives. I still have clothes that she made for my dolls. I have to believe that when our time comes to pass on, that it is because there is more that we can do for eachother on the other side than on this earth. Forgive my rambling, but if ever my girls grow up and read these entries, I want them to know about their great-grandfather and great-great-great aunt. I want them to know that my life consisted of more than funny stories and cute pictures, although those are special. Well, I guess you can see what happens when you stay up past midnight thinking about different things. You all probably realize why John is so funny about trying to get me to bed on time! Anyways, I love you Poppy and Aunt Hazel. Thank you for beautiful memories.